Change

"I have been changed for good."

If you know me, you know that between John Mayer and Coldplay, my iTunes playlist is buzzing with Broadway musicals and the Glee renditions of the songs. There is just a joy in the music and the stories behind the music, and I was struck by a song from "Wicked" this week. I heard it both on Oprah and on Glee, and it was as if I was supposed to hear it multiple times.

The lyrics talk about a change that occurs from knowing someone special and how people are changed for good - forever. That is how I feel about my dear mommy. The lyrics say that the change might not be for the better, and people could argue that about me right now, with the bags under my eyes, the many sleepless nights, the countless tears, the fears, and the sadness.

But, I wouldn't change it for the world.

I truly believe the statement that says that "It is better to have loved and lost than to never have loved at all." While the heartbreak is more than I can express, I would not change it for the world. The amount that I love, care for, respect, and admire my mom is outrageous, which means that the grief that I am in the midst of is even more outrageous.

But, I am oh so proud of my mom - of the fight that she has endured, of the love that she has shown us, and of the faith that she has in Jesus. I am proud of how my family has grown stronger and closer to one another, and it is because of the way we have been affected by Mom. She is an amazing woman, and that will never change. The sacrifice has been easy, and I know that I speak for my entire family when I say that we have never questioned what has needed to be done for Mom. Just because we love her so dearly.

While I am mad at the cancer, how it unfairly took away Mom's life, I enjoy her daily... and am so grateful for the last 24 1/2 years that I got to know and love her. Well, I guess you can say it's been over 25 years, since we spent many months together while she was on bedrest. :)

To all my friends who have been kind and understanding of my "absence," to every acquaintance who has offered to help us out or bring food, to all my photography friends who have had Saturdays on "stand by" for my brides, I am forever grateful. I am loved through each one of you and could not have done it without you. Thank you from the bottom of my heart.