Friday, June 17, 2011

"come broken and weary"

"Come broken and weary, come battered and bruised, my Jesus makes all things new." -Andrew Peterson

I have missed my Mom so much the last 24 hours. So much that I can't even explain it, but I did want to post what I wrote and said at Mom's memorial. I feel like now is a good time to do just that:

"I never wanted to get to this day, the day that I would speak about my Mom in past-tense. Here I am, and I still don’t want this day to come.
Laura Story writes about how in the midst of hard times, we know that this is not our home. I am aware of that now more than ever. In many ways, Mom was my home. She was the constant peace-maker and common-factor in almost every situation. She always made sure that everyone was comfortable, and because of that, I feel lost. Like my home is gone. Like I have lost my best friend.
I will miss her for a lifetime and don’t think there will be a day that I won’t think of her. Some days more than others, like when I can’t remember how to sauté vegetables, need to know when the next Kohl’s sale is, or just want some encouragement. Mom was always just a phone call or text message away.
People often tell me that I look just like my Mom. Pictures of her in high school prove it. I used to get sick of hearing people say that, but now I consider it the greatest compliment I could ever receive.
I’ll never forget Mom in her last few days. Her body was failing miserably, but she was her same old self. She was talking to her friend, Kim, who is still fighting breast cancer. They planned a meeting to get together the following day, but before Mom would get off the phone, she said, “Well, I want you to tell me how you are. How are you feeling?” I just looked at Dad and smiled – that was my Mom. Selfless, caring, kind, patient, loving.
Mom, from the bottom of my heart, I love you as big as the sky and will miss you until I see you again. I promise to make you proud."

I am so proud of Mom. Of how she lived. She lived with such grace and trust, always clinging to Jesus. And, she died the same way. With so much more hope and so much more belief than I have.

So, I come to Jesus broken and weary and pray that I would live like Mom lived, one day dying in such a way that is pleasing, as Mom did as well.

I spent this past week in Las Vegas with some great friends. It was a necessary get-away trip that I know my Mom would have wanted me to take. I was really proud of this image and honestly just wish I could show it to Mom. I'll show it to you guys, instead:

2 comments:

Staci said...

Sweet Camille, My heart hurts with you. Love these sweet words about your mom. Love you!

Amy Carson said...

Your words and spirit amaze me Camille. I'm proud to know you - you are wonderful and through knowing you and the awesome person your mother raised you to be, I know that she is wonderful too.